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"i felt nearly at home that night as i stepped off the ship and into the grass. its alien fragrance filled my nostrils and its fronds whooshed around me like gentle curious fingers as the wind came through it from the south. there was this glorious feeling of space neverending all around me and for the first time in months, my skin could really breathe. i looked up at the night sky and the stars, and your lovely moon was high and full and bright. such a sweet world.
"the others stepped out behind me, slowly, cautiously sampling the grass, the ground. they, too, threw off their cantankerous cabin fever after several peaceful moments in the grass. all at once, without anyone really knowing who began, we were singing softly together. no words, just contented humming.
"it must have been the humming that mesmerized us. we were in the grass and our song was all around us, blending with whispers from the grass. and quite naturally, our gaze turned down. down from the sky, down to our feet buried in that lovely mmmmm delicious grass. soon we were busy cropping it between our teeth, and oh, the flavor was quite extraordinary. we ate, forgetting everything, our vulnerable position out in the open downs, the tests we should have run on the vegetation, the ship, the mission. the grass consumed us, as we consumed it. so you see, we've always had a love affair with your planet, nay, i misspeak, with your grass.
"the everwinds took to the heavens in our little craft and made our way through space and time to a little system in a galaxy far away. we were not equipped like the ship you came on. we had facilities perhaps for some sampling, but our mission wasn't specifically geared toward agricultural/botanical specimen collection and germination. we orbited the little blue world for several months before selecting a place to set down and explore.
"we were of two minds about this, split nearly evenly in half between those of us who thought that our first mission should be nonintrusive and for observation purposes only, and those of us who favored an actual planetside landing and possibly a first contact. i must admit that i was one of the latter...headstrong and determined to have my way. i was that right. our months in orbit were not poorly spent regardless of the debates that went on between us. we learned many things. we intercepted radio and television transmissions, we watched humans at work and play, we saw the other creatures of the earth crawl, fly, swim...we learned a great deal about your world. enough to know that approaching humans was probably akin to suicide. we resembled nothing more than larger versions of their domesticated pets, guinea pigs. there was almost no chance that they would take us seriously. and the paranoia of some nations, notably the United States, made it seem unlikely that we would even be given an opportunity to introduce ourselves and make a case. highly suspicious those humans were. aside from all of that, humans were not a space-faring race themselves, and they'd had no contacts with beings from other planets at all. it seemed an unnecessary risk. even i was willing to admit that. still, i looked down on that lovely world and i longed to breathe the air, feel the earth between my toes, nibble on something fresh. part of it, i'm sure was being cooped up inside of the ship for so long.
"the others felt the same suffocation and claustrophobia. i persuaded the rest of the everwinds that we should land - somewhere inconspicuous - and continue our survey from there. we could at least interact with the non-human (i.e. non-threatening) life forms and learn some more about the world from this closer inspection. it was risky, but the tide of our discomfort carried the vote and we landed in a remote grassy prairie that seemed to have low human traffic.
old drin listened to me spin my tale, then he offered me one of his own:
"long ago, i was part of a g-pig spacefaring crew that made one of the first reconnaissance missions to the earth. our world had discovered the means of deep space travel and ways to fold space in order to decrease the distances between the far flung worlds and planetary bodies. it was the practice then, as it is now, for the crews to take a common family/working name to thus cement us as a bonded group. this has had varying degrees of success. in real families there is usually love between family members, and it was hoped that the same would be true of our crews. this practice has also seeped into other areas of expertise on our world.
"our family name was 'everwind.' it was chosen to be a good luck name - wind being important in early seafaring and aerospace ventures, bearing us aloft, and filling our proverbial sails. and so i was 'drin everwind,' then, tho i have dropped the 'everwind' now as my feet feel more and more the desire to tread worn and familiar pathways. i've become a homebody, i suppose. when i saw you, rabbit, i did feel once again the winds of adventure filling my heart.
"i can see you're curious to know how a spacefarin' g-pig like myself came to such a place. and how it is that i am all alone. sit back, then, and make yourself comfortable, for tis a long tale...
"to begin? well. it has much to do with that early mission to earth..."
i felt this nervousness rise up inside of me. the things people say. you stop and wonder how you should answer. what they know, what their intentions are. i felt wary. like, was someone checking up on me? had the g-pigs sent some kind of spy? and it made me feel all defeated and deflated. i felt hope sort of slide out of me in an elongated sigh. yes, i do mean to escape, somehow...but nothing happens. i am trapped, my cohort is far away. i'm really NOT being BAD at all. and to have some kind of planetary security (maybe a g-pig seal?) BREATHING down my neck like this. it just kills me... so i said nothing for a moment...not trusting old drin. not trusting myself.
he must have known something was not right by my silence for he spoke again, "i apologize if i'm intruding. for sure enough, it's your own business what you're about up in these hills. i meant nothing by it. but, you see, if you're here, i expect it's through odd enough circumstances...which i hope you'll share...i've not seen a rabbit in many a year. and then, it was on another world, entirely."
and then, i swear, something in me just melted. like ford prefect and his longing for his Betelgeusian roots in those hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy books, i felt all of the miles between me and my bluegreen planet. stretching stretching the distance between us... and old drin's eyes held its reflection somehow. he saw me. sometimes it is the most beautiful thing in the world to be seen. for someone to really know what you are, where you came from, and who you are (i'm having a Cheers moment here). and it's even more rare when this is effortless. you want the whole world to understand you like this...because it would be easier than having to explain yourself time and time again.
i smiled at old drin, who was beginning to be worried that he'd put his foot in it and said, "what am i doing here? oh, you know, this and that..."
the twinkle returned to his eye as he responded, "aye. well then..." and then i told him. i told him everything.
with silliness on my mind and plenty of sweet hay in the vicinity, i dozed off again. yeah. super lazy bunny needs lots of rest. does that make me a lazy bum? or a lazy bun? perhaps both. old drin returned as the sun was setting. he entered the cave from another way - the skylight was too small for him to squeeze through. he woke me up when he plunked down yet another load of greens in front of me. i began to suspect drin was fattening me up. but no. he settled down across from me, so that the fading light from the sun came between us and said, "so, tell me son, what brings a fine RABBIT like yourself, to these parts."
he knows what i am.
while old drin was gone, i sat and mused. my mind wandered here and there, and eventually it stopped on pyong pyong. i think that i think about her a lot, but at the same time, i haven't thought all that much about her. it's just suddenly i feel the lack of pyong like...homesickness. and maybe it's just because of the unpleasant sad pangs that i don't consciously try to think of her all that much. and now i feel guilty for feeling like that. and whatever this adventure has been, i also feel guilty for not having "grasped" the mental training aspects of this oddly silent religion - whatever they are. i am not so concerned about the group at the moment. they are...wherever they are.
but today it was a sort of silly thought that ran through my head. i was thinking of the "soundtrack" to our lives. and i thought, hey a great reunion song might be that Magnetic Fields song our person was so fond of - the bunny rabbits one.
if you knew how i long
for you now that you're gone
you'd grow wings and fly
home to me
home tonight
and when the morning sun...
let's pretend we're bunny rabbits
let's do it all day long
laughingly becoming rabbits
singing little rabbit songs
i can keep it up all night
i can keep it up all day
let's pretend we're bunny rabbits
until we pass away...
a large nose filled the hole and snuffed a few times. then it was removed. a round eye set on the side of the head of a g-pig i had never seen before then peered down at me. the eye blinked, i blinked in return. i didn't know if i should be scared or not. stuff tends to freak me out before i have a chance to think about it and reason with myself. it's instinct, and it's hard to overcome. then, the eye also went away. and i could see the g-pig's face above the hole. he chuttered a bit and ground his teeth, which was his way of smiling at me. then he said in a gruff and scatchy voice, "don't be afraid little whatever you are. old drin's not going to hurt you."
and old drin? is that you? i wondered.
a load of fresh grass came down through the hole and landed with a solid thwump near me. it smelled heavenly.
"i'll be down at day's end to see how you're getting on. rest up and i'll bring us something good to munch on." drin, if that was drin, chuckled some more to himself then turned away from the skylight and left me.
there's nothing you can really do to chase away the cilantro hangover blues. i hunkered down over my aching belly, and hid my front feet under my chest - the invisible foot position. hunk-a, hunk-a, no-footed bunny. i listened to the gurgling of my intestines...ahh, gastrointestinal health, it's mahvelous. i was starting to feel a bit dozy and peaceful. a shower of small stones cascaded down from the skylight...what ho!
groan...is there such a thing as too much cilantro? hmmm...yes.
bloated bunny
feeling full
mmm cilantro. it was the smell of cilantro that brought me to my senses finally. it was so real i could almost taste it. so i opened my sleepy eyes after my nose investigated and relayed the following: cilantro - mmmmm... and indeed, there was a pile, freshly washed, just in front of me.
if i'm totally honest, i'd have to admit that i was overcome by the cloying perfume (music to my nose) of the cilantro, and i just started eating because i felt hollowed out with hunger. it took me several minutes to realize that i was in no way in the same place i had been when i'd knocked myself silly - however long ago it had been. munch munch munch...muse...slower...munch...pause...stop. gulp. think think think. where was i?
"in a cavern, in a canyon..." well, the cavern part was true. i was in a cave, beneath some kind of skylight, for i could see well enough. my ears swiveled around to catch the sounds of water falling gently somewhere behind me beyond the reach of the light that shone down on me like a spotlight. here, there be RABBIT. just there. yep. the ground was dry, sandy, and not uncomfortable. perhaps that is why i slept so long and so hard. i was also ache free. i did the cross-eyed thing and could see that the scratches on my nose were healing - scabbed over - and infection free. my foot was also healing - tho, there was evidence of some kind of poultice pressed into the wound (i could see pieces of it where i'd been standing). curious. someone was taking care of me, and seemed to be concerned with my health and well-being. someone. but who? there were no footprints around me that i could see or identify...no distinctive smells - other than that of the cilantro. there was water...and food. i was safe for the time being. i decided to turn my brain off for awhile and continue with the face stuffing. mmm...cilantro.
sometimes you sleep so heavily you don't dream. rabbits DO actually dream, though being prey, not as much as some animals. we have to be on alert constantly, so it's harder to really relax and catch zzzs.
on that mountain, in the rain, in the night i blacked out. and then i slept, like the rocks around me, hard.
i was sore all over when i awoke - but alive. that was something, anyway. in my head, in my heart, i was sure i was dead - the night before having been so awful. but gradually, little things wakened me...the pain, first and foremost, the smells, oddly enough of some particularly sweet and fragrant hay, and the light, shining warm all over me. i still didn't want to open my eyes. it seemed like too much to ask for, from this battered bunnyshape. so i slipped back into sleep, this time i visited dreamland, and let my ears, nose, and paws twitch at all that i experienced there.
much later i awoke alone in the dark. the wind was blowing through the rocks, whistling a little. it was overcast and the clouds made it possible to see a little around me. i could smell the moisture in the air. it was going to rain. i couldn't hear or smell the others...which could mean almost anything. they might be near, but the wind might be masking their sound, their scent. i'd obviously been missing awhile. perhaps someone was looking for me? had started back in my direction? or perhaps not. did any of them care? would the leader even suggest a search party? we were a group, but we weren't exactly bonded to one another as to the experience. our journeys were more personal despite the community and the communal nature. maybe they'd wait to see if i arrived...and maybe they'd continue on without me.
despite our differences and despite the fact that we weren't truly close, i found my heart fluttering madly at the thought of being completely alone in the mountains, lost. i was panicking. calm down, powder. it's okay. you'll be fine. i repeated this until it became a sort of mantra. it was too dark to fly, and i couldn't remember what was around me - rock formations, the lay of the land - or i might have tried it anyway. i was desperate to rejoin the g-pigs. and my nose, my poor nose, it was throbbing insistently. i thought: it must be infected! i'm going to die here!
and then it was like i lost all control of myself. my higher reasoning just shut down completely and i bolted from the shade of the rocks and raced up the path, stumbling over the unfamiliar, uneven footing. i stepped on something sharp, and felt it cut into my forepaw. i continued my crazy sprint, limping, but trying to maintain speed, momentum. a strange sound from behind, and my heart leapt, even as i did, only to crash into an unforgiving wall of sheered rock. smack, thud. one rabbit out of commission.
the wind blew on and the rain started to fall. drip drop onto my dusty fur. more sounds...but my vision swam as i tried to raise myself. i knew no more.
i find myself at the very end of the wiggly procession through the peaks. the g-pigs are all larger than i, and their waddles take them further than my little hops. the g-pig just in front of me is a tri-colored boar, white, reddish, and black. he is scared. his whole body shivers and shudders in the heights. when we walk along narrow precipices he freezes for a moment as if gathering himself. he cannot lose himself in the moment when he is so terrified. that makes two of us, who are unable to experience this experience. i think only of the nights when i can carry out my little acts of rebellion, and soar the twi-lit skies. he thinks of falling - his young life flashing before him every time he takes a wary step. sweet, young g-pig.
and then after a very strenuous climb, we came to a blind corner, and a narrow path. the other g-pigs quickly traversed this. the tri-color and i paused. he looked down, his whiskers twitching uncertainly. i did not even think to speak to him, as words seem to live in my head of late, and never make it out of my mouth. i came up close behind him, and rested my cheek against his flank - the only comfort i could give him. he sighed, but finally moved on. and then his rear foot slipped in a shower of stones. and his body unbalanced, and his other rear foot followed the first. g-pigs have no great strength in their forefeet. i knew he would fall. one moment i was watching him fall...and the next, before i even had a conscious thought about it, i was under him, pushing up with all my might, bobbing gently in the wind. he clawed me in his panic, three blood red stripes across my nose. nearly perpendicular to my blaze. but i grimaced and pushed his feet onto the path...
once they found purchase he hurried around the corner and into the rocks on the other side where the path continued. i heaved myself onto the narrow path, and panted a bit. he didn't seem to have noticed that anything odd had happened. he only felt himself falling, and then felt himself caught. my nose ached, and my head was spinning. i pulled myself into the rocks and lay quietly in the shade, in their safety, and i closed my eyes for a moment.
ironically, many bunnies are made out of chocolate. hmm...
chocolate is not good for bunnies.
it starts small, like many things. i fly some nights, but not others. i am careful. i make sure everyone is sleeping; i circle and land - so if anyone were to see me, they'd *hopefully* see me on the ground and think i wandered off. wandering is more explicable than flying.
i flew up above our encampment last night and landed on a peak. i could still see the light of the sun far off in the distance reflected off the clouds. i thought of pyong, and then tried to reach out to her with my mind. at first i concentrated so hard my face was all screwed up, think think think!!! when my head started to pound, i realized i'd been holding my breath, and i let it all out in a long, sad sigh. for my next attempt: this time i tried to let all of my thoughts go, and just open myself and my mind to the world (and hopefully to pyong). i opened, i waited, i listened...only the wind in my ears.
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