a thumpin' good time

so i have a really bad feeling about this. about pyong's illness in general, and the care she is receiving. what if the g-pigs suspected all along that her plan was to get off planet. and what if they made her sick? on purpose? so that she wouldn't be able to *do* anything? my ears hurt.

i ran my conspiracy theory past drin. he looked a bit grim and said, "i'm reluctant to say that you're wrong altogether...but, although they are a bunch of bureaucratic types up there, i don't think they'd make your lady friend sick on purpose..."

but, they may not be doing much of anything to help her get better. that's what drin was afraid to say, after seeing the look in my eyes. damn it. damn them.

the master was his serene and wise self, however. he pointed out that i knew much more than before, and i had a road to pursue - if i should choose it. pyong had already mapped out the course we should take. and the master believed that our best bet was probably to talk to some of those other beings. currently, i was in a bad position to do that...no one was going to land their star cruiser on this mountain top.

"i guess that's it then. i have to get back to the city, back to civilization. i have to get back to pyong...and...i don't know. make her well. make someone make her well."

"yes, powder you must get back to civilization, as you put it...but i would not go rushing back to pyong pyong immediately. remember, she is sick. and since you are the same species, whatever she has may be extremely contagious and dangerous to you. and if the g-pigs there ARE keeping her down with this illness, what do you think will change if you should come down with it as well? i would venture nothing." said the master.

so frustrated! "well, what can i do?? i can't just stay here!"

drin scuffed a foot and said, "well...we could go with the master and these students of his. there are other cities, you know. and he's bound for one of them. i still have some friends involved in space travel. and some that i would trust to help us. they may even know which aliens you should approach with your...conundrum."

i turned toward the master. "you are going to another city?"

"yes. we are somewhat overdue, but my methods are well-known to those who expect us...and of course i've been in contact."

"you've thought to them, too? how many others know about this? is there anyone who doesn't know?"

"actually, little rabbit, it's to your advantage to have as many of us in the know as possible. not all g-pigs want to harm you, and most would be appalled, i think, at the way you've been dealt with - as some sort of 'situation' - thus far. this way you can't just 'disappear' all of a sudden with no one being the wiser. and, my people can help, too. we have groups in nearly all of the cities. i've never quite thought of us as a 'spy network' before, but communication will be easy to establish. and we may be able to do the kind of groundwork you'll need to set up meetings with these other beings. with drin's and our assistance, you are in a rather enviable position."

i bowed my head. my frustration was making me irritable and angry, and these were not the ones who deserved it.

"i'm sorry. i didn't want to alienate you from my cause. i just want to do something. most of all i want to help pyong, now that i know what's happening to her."

the master smiled, "we may even be of some assistance there. there are healers among us. when you speak with pyong next you must see how receptive her caregivers might be to outside...erm, alternative remedies."

"that would be most...appreciated, master."

small silence then drin, "well, then, what are we waiting for? we've travelin' to do! we should move it along!"

"agreed, drin."

"most heartily, yes. let's go."

we went.

posted by: barkalot at 16:08 | link | comments (1) |

"powder?"

and then i was inside her head, looking out through her eyes. she was in a small room, and there was light coming from the side. she was lying on some bedding, her front paws curled under her chest, and her back feet underneath her body. the light only just touched her resting place. and as pyong i noticed, she was cold, shivering a little...confused, tired, woozy...

pyong pyong...what's wrong?

sick, powder. sick for weeks.

is that why you never answered? i called to you before...

i never heard you call...but it's possible that i was too sick to notice. and also...they've given me something - medication - to help with the cold? but it's all wrong...all wrong for rabbits...

she broke off and she/we started coughing. pyong was very sick. i didn't know what to say.

it's ok powder, i know how you feel. remember? i can feel your thoughts, too. but you're...amplified somehow...

i explained about the master and all of the students, and drin.

that's wonderful, powder. you've done great things. i knew you would...

i swallowed the fear that was caught in my throat and my heart sped up as i began...pyong?...i... it was so hard to go on. i could finally talk to her, and i expected...i don't know. for her to be like she was when i left her - strong, confident, prepared for whatever. and she was frail, and weak, and i didn't want to push her over the edge. but i so wanted to know...i tingled all over and could feel my hair raise. pyong, are you going to be ok? i've wondered about you, what you were doing, what you had planned...what's going to happen to us?

she closed her eyes briefly. i think...i think i'm going to be ok. i've been here a long time now, though. so maybe this is as good as it gets. it's not the best situation...but i do have...lots of time to plot.

so...i've waited this long. will you tell me, finally? what you chose to do?

oh that! yeah. well, i guess it can't hurt now. interplanetary relations, powder. i want to know how the g-pigs deal with other species...if they have agreements, if they trade...anything i can/could find out about other life on other planets.

i was a bit confused. and? what did you learn?

so many things, powder...maybe drin knows a little bit, too, since he's been part of the interstellar missions. he's right though, things have changed a lot since he went...but i think that what happened to his mission on earth...that has a lot to do with how the g-pigs reacted in our situation. do you know? it's been declared "off limits" for the foreseeable future...earth has. the g-pigs think it's too dangerous. i mean, temptationwise...and what's worse...all g-pig missions have been grounded, pending further investigations. that's what i found out during my interview. i couldn't share it with you...because it was so devastating. and i wanted you to hope...

what are you talking about pyong?

i...i wanted us to escape on a g-pig ship, powder...i wanted to find one that was going to earth. but, no one's going to earth anymore. no one is going anywhere. maybe never. maybe that means we'll never get home...

never get home? my chest clenched.

oh, powder, no, don't think like that. it's ok. that's why i chose what i chose. because the g-pigs DO have relationships with other beings...and they might be able to help us. i just can't...i mean i haven't...

you haven't been well enough to talk to them, have you...

no. that's exactly it. and... tears gathered in her eyes, and they were large and luminous in that scant light. i don't know when i will be well enough to go back to my...position.

she started coughing again, and the tears fell. i could feel how tight her chest was...what a struggle it was to breathe. this "conversation" was taking a lot out of her...we had to cut it short.

pyong? you should rest. and we, i mean all of the g-pigs with me here, we have to talk...but, i will contact you soon. ok? so listen for me?

ok powder. i will. and hey, it's good to know you're ok.

ditto, pyong

we signed out and i swooshed back into my body, alone at last. all of the g-pigs gone out of me.

posted by: barkalot at 22:07 | link | comments (1) |

i thought you might.

we remained linked in that inner space inside me, somehow, where our minds met. the master had a plan. a masterplan. a masterful plan. we were going to try and reach pyong pyong. together. not just the two of us, but all of us.

this is one thing you all have learned while traveling. speaking distracts us from other things...listening in particular. listening to others, and listening to our own minds. the stillness that enters in after a time of silence can show us how to listen.

what is it that you're saying? do you mean all of the g-pigs can do this?

all that are with us, yes.

is that what happened when they each went to see you? you were speaking mind to mind?

yes. i've been listening to all of you. and when you were ready, i called.

but you knew all along that i could do these things, then?

almost from the beginning, yes...

but you never called me? or i never heard you? which was it?

i heard you call the other - pyong - and i waited...i think you would have been suspicious had it happened any other way than this. if i had mysteriously showed up in your mind, speaking to you, you would not have trusted me. you had to come to me.

i thought about this. perhaps he was right. how will we reach pyong pyong?

we are going to join our minds together, but under your direction. you will have the strength of many, but you will be the focus because you know who it is we are attempting to reach.

so you think that it's just a problem of...what, range? my signal hasn't been strong enough to broadcast my particular frequency to her?

i do not *know* that this is the case. it may be that the other is just not listening. she may be distracted...or she may be deliberately shutting you out. distance is not necesssarily a problem. although, in your own mind it may be if you think it is too far.

use the force, luke. heh. ok. humor aside. we are going to do this thing.

are you ready, powder?

was i?

yes...

the others are coming...listen for them, be ready to receive them.

i kept my mind open, like astral ears alert to everything around me. and i felt them come...shyly and cautiously at first. they were all different colors, but i recognized each of them in these colors which somehow mapped each of their characters, their souls. i welcomed them all, felt them breathe and inhabit this space within me. my mind was infinite in its expanse, and everyone fit comfortably.

what do i do?

reach out. reach out to her like you've done before. we will follow you.

i reached out, this beam of thought energy calling pyong pyong. cutting through distance, flying across mountains, grass. where are you pyong-pyong?

the others came and amplified me. we were this bright light spotting and scanning the whole world. hoping for a response.

nothing.

oh pyong!

the master cut in...do not despair rabbit! change tactics. you are shouting now. listen. you know this being better than any of us. you know her nearly as you know your own soul. listen for that pattern that can only be her.

ok.

and i changed tactics. i recast my shout as a glittering net, sprawling everywhere, catching everything. looking for glimpses, bright shimmers of the one other rabbit. the others read her in my mind, and they searched too. we were like the diatoms washing up on the shores of earth's oceans. small flickers riding the waves.

and out of the corner of my mind's eye, i saw her.

there...

we all turned as one to look at her. and then we had a fix...and the divining light was back. together we called, "PYONG!" and we watched her respond...

posted by: barkalot at 23:26 | link | comments (2) |

so come a little closer. then you'll know me and you'll know i speak the truth.

i inched my astral self forward until i could stick a toe into the spectral presence in front of me. cool, blue like my inner space, but this time i felt as well as heard. how to describe it? it was like being someone else...yet having some kind of special reserve of myself that was able to observe. a little me leftover to look over my shoulder at it all.

i felt memories swirl through me. i felt *my* body move and stir - it was normal to *me* and yet i could feel that it was so much bigger than little me was accustomed to. normal and novel all at the same time.

is this posession?

don't worry, my head is not going to spin around.

you can try it he/i said...and i knew that he was going to relinquish control of our body...i turned our head to look back up the mountain path. the other g-pigs were slowly coming down to meet us in that bowl under the sky. drin was already there. waiting a few feet apart from me, and watching the master and i commune silently. i wonder if he knew, if he could sense what was happening. surely we'd been silent for minutes, perhaps hours. i breathed in through our nostrils and the air was sweet and fresh. i let go.

different, wasn't it?

and oddly familiar, yes.

there was no guile or deceit in him that i could feel. there was this infinite patience combined with long years of life, peacefulness, strength. if he wanted to help it was because he wanted to help, and there was nothing more. nothing in it for him. it was the thing to do.

i stepped back. and we were two once more.

i do want your help. thank you.

he smiled.

posted by: barkalot at 12:57 | link | comments |

i listened.

powder... it came again.

yes?

when all the others came, i waited for you. and you did not come. i thought, he will know when the time is right. and it will be the right time.

slightly confused...becoming unsure of my guess i asked, is this me i'm talking to? am i going crazy? who is this?

silly bunny. i'm not you. but, i come to you through the power of your own mind. there you sit, in your self's center like earth's buddha, fat and sassy, meditating. and i sit deep in my own self, stretching a tendril of that self out to you to find you in that place.

who are you?

i am he whom you have followed these long days.

ahhh. the master. i am here, now. what would you say to me?

laughter.

do not blame drin for our meeting, little longears. do not fault him for telling me of your whereabouts. he is a good friend, a loyal one - worthy of your trust. and he has kept your secrets safe.

secrets?

yes.

what do you know of such things?

i know. and i know what i have seen with my own eyes. i have seen a small rabbit take flight above an encampment...i have heard him mumble in his dreams, speaking of the other one. i can see his story here, in his eyes, and in his mind's eye.

do not tremble, powder. i know you mind to mind. if you would cross the distance between us, you would know me too. i am not here to hurt you. i am not here to hinder you. i am not here to censor you. as drin desires, so do i. i want to help you.

posted by: barkalot at 19:22 | link | comments |

deep breath...sigh it out. ahhh...

i went.

front feet, back feet...hop hop hop. i lost my nerve as i approached him. my footfalls came more slowly. and then it was less hop hop hop, and more step, step, hop. but i kept going. sometimes it's just best to get things over with.

stop.

we were now within a few feet of one another. he looked at me. i looked at him.

awkward pause?

only for me. i felt like he could wait forever.

still. not knowing what to say, i said nothing.

and the nothingness between us went on and on. i lost sense of time passing, and lost sense of my discomfort. it was as though i was falling into some kind of trance...and yet i was still completely aware. i felt the sun warm on my ears and back. i felt the wind gently ruffle my fur. i could feel individual hairs moving. i traced them back to their follicles...it was weird, but i've never felt so alive.

i allowed myself to experience these things, to notice them and feel them and make them my own...and then i moved beyond them into this clear bright space in my mind. intially it felt like the sun, and the brightness was like direct sunlight - dazzling. i found i could tone it down a bit. the space became a less intense white, and then a pale blue like the sky. i rested and breathed in the space. from there i could feel my body around me, and the intricate relationships between all of its parts. it awed me.

and then a quiet voice. like a whisper in my ear, except in my mind...swirling out of the blue, murmuring like it had always been a part of me, a part of the rhythm of me, but making itself known to me at last. powder it said. it was not me. it was other.

posted by: barkalot at 12:56 | link | comments |

he was down the mountain...resting on some grass, but attentive. his "at rest" was more present than any other i've seen. he waited for me to approach. he gave me all the time i needed to make myself walk down there. my inner conflict was either very obvious, or he knew it instinctively. i rather feel it was the latter.

when i was brave enough, i looked at him. i looked him in the eyes. i was close enough at that point to see that his gaze was calm and peaceful. there were no accusations. there was no tension in him. he simply waited for me - with interest, with some anticipation...he seemed pleased to see me.

i faltered for a moment and stopped. but he remained in the same position, waiting for me to find whatever it was that i needed.

courage, powder. courage.

posted by: barkalot at 00:02 | link | comments (1) |

the master waited.

this little song went through my head...

he'll be comin' round the mountain when he comes. he'll be comin' round the mountain when he comes. he'll be comin' round the mountain, he'll be comin' round the mountain, he'll be comin' round the mountain when he comes.

sans the six white horses. i don't drive.

i was nervous. for some reason i felt like i'd been bad and was about to be punished. he looked so...serious. i dragged my heels a bit to give myself more time to...prepare for the inevitable, i felt, dressing down i was about to receive.

for what we are to receive, let us be truly grateful.

and worse, i felt like i deserved it. i guess it's my overactive/hyperactive conscience at work there. powder, you done wrong. now put it right.

i was not sure how to begin. or if i should even begin. i had not requested the meeting, after all. and yet my throat was filled with all of these unuttered apologies. the one straining against my tongue was, "i'm sorry i didn't let you know i was ok." and it was immediately followed by the one that i could feel some real responsibility for - "i'm sorry i didn't try to find you." except, that i wasn't really sorry (that's why it comes along a little later in line). i had been somewhat relieved when i thought that no one was looking for me, and that no one was missing me. i was a free agent. for a brief moment. and now, what was i? waiting for punishment. sure it was coming.

posted by: barkalot at 23:52 | link | comments |

"what did you tell him, drin?"

"nothing he couldn't have figured out for himself."

"what is that supposed to mean?"

"i told him what rabbits are normally like on your planet.  obviously you are different."

posted by: barkalot at 19:00 | link | comments |

there's a reason for the zen-g-pig. he's met up with my group. they have been searching for me. drin found them a few days ago, and told them i was ok. he's been talking to the master. the other g-pigs are still observing their silence. drin told me tonight. that, and the master wants to see me.

i feel wary. maybe i trusted drin too far, knowing too little? i hope my intuition isn't off. i'm not sure what we're going to talk about. and i'm not sure what drin has told him. the proverbial cat may be out of the bag.

posted by: barkalot at 20:33 | link | comments |

i've been a bit grumpy the last few days. i really want something to happen, something to change, so that i can really DO something. drin laughs at my impatience. he says - and you'll love this, by the way - "these things take time." yes, drin, yes they do.

so we spend our nights in the cave. where i grow more quiet and impatient every day, with this lack of action. and drin goes all zen-g-pig on me, and i want to...oh, i dunno...shake him up somehow. because...we must do something! get going.

posted by: barkalot at 20:24 | link | comments |

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