a thumpin' good time

the story of our little argument must have made the rounds among the g-pigs, because every single one of those smug rodent-wannabes was grinning like an idiot when i walked into camp later that night. even the master was smiling, although HIS smile at least was just a ghost - the barest trace of amusement sketched on his face - and he managed to look serene and benevolent instead of beset with the giggles.

my humor, on the other hand, was nonexistent. i set my teeth and scowled, and laid my ears back flat so everyone, EVERYONE, would know how ticked off i was.

the master broke into our little standoff with a gentle cough, "any news from zoiza?"

cross as i was i snapped, "i'm sure you've heard by now. EVERYONE seems to know..."

"and what is it that i should know?"

"i've had a fight with my *girlfriend*."

the g-pigs could hold it in no longer. they collapsed, twitching with mirth. their bright eyes teared up and overflowed. their silence was broken. their laughter could probably be heard for miles. i waved a paw, "fine, laugh. laugh yourselves silly."

they did. the little black cloud over my head thundered a bit in response. but as the laughter went on. i felt more and more ridiculous. eventually, i said to myself, you're going to have to take yourself less seriously. i mean, you are a RABBIT, after all...once upon a time you were carefree. all of this brooding is going to give you an ulcer. and that's just what you need. here. on this planet. an ulcer, and no signs of there being any good gastroenterologists.

posted by: barkalot at 21:46 | link | comments (5) |

i must have been looking hang-dog, or hang-rabbit, or whatever the equivalent might be, for drin noticed and bumped me with his shoulder.

"had a bit of a spat with your girlfriend?"

i gave him my best disgusted glare, which only made him chuckle somewhere deep in his throat.

"she's not my girlfriend."

that made him laugh out loud.

"she thinks i'm being overprotective."

"and are you?"

"NO. well...maybe. i don't know."

"and did your overprotectiveness interfere with what she was trying to tell you?"

"yeees."

"so, you've basically alienated a good source of information."

"Gah! shut it! i screwed up, ok?"

"...it's a good thing she's not your girlfriend."

"OH? why's that?"

"because she's likely to be more logical about this than you're acting right now."

"huh?"

"i mean, she'll probably talk to you again...in a week or so...once you've cooled off...once you actually listen to what she's got to tell you."

grumble...i hate it when he's right.

posted by: barkalot at 21:35 | link | comments |

"question for you pyong...why didn't you cloak yourself when you followed that g-pig?"

long pause.

"scary thing, powder. i didn't even think of it. i've been so...conditioned to not behave strangely - to work no magic in front of those who would persecute me...er, i never considered it."

"you must have been very sick."

"i was."

"i knew it."

another pause.

"well? do you want to know what i saw? or not? are we done discussing my recklessness?"

"sure, pyong. i'm sorry, i was just, you know, worried about you."

"i know powder. let's move on, shall we? we'll start with who i followed..."

"wait, do i know who you followed?"

"yes! it was black beans! when i saw him moving through the city, i couldn't resist. i mean it could have been a fluke, and i might have learned nothing from following him, but as usual, my curiosity got the better of me and i trailed him back to the space port."

"what was he doing there? i thought you said all the g-pig missions have been grounded."

"sure, but the g-pigs still do some work there. and they still have ships returning...and ships coming from other worlds."

"like where?"

"not earth, of course, since the people of earth have no idea that any other intelligent lifeforms exist apart from themselves. but there were creatures on Cavvy from VENUS, powder. VENUS."

"i didn't know there was intelligent life on venus..."

"of course you didn't, silly. no one on earth does either. you are from earth, therefore you don't know. and we had no idea that the g-pigs were in contact with anyone that close to home. i mean, same solar system even."

"why were the venetians here?"

"venusians. i don't know. yet."

oh-oh. that "yet" bothered me.

"look, pyong, i don't think you should snoop. it's too obvious that you're up to something. they'll suspect - the g-pigs. and they'll lock you up, or something. and i'm not there to get you out."

she was angry with me then. "hey powder, you know what? i can take care of myself."

and she was gone. just like that.

posted by: barkalot at 23:45 | link | comments |

we'll wait a moment for pyong to collect her thoughts and report on the g-pig she followed...

and meanwhile, some anniversary type thoughts, though i am unsure of dates. it came to my attention tonight that we've been here on Cavvy for almost 6 months now. taken from earth in december...landfall on Cavvy in january. home feeling so far away sometimes.

you know, this was an adventure, too, before we knew that the g-pigs intended to keep us here forever. what enhanced attackrabbit wouldn't appreciate a little jaunt to another planet, all expenses paid...? we were so excited about the possibilities here - until we learned that we were prisoners.

i remember bluestem saying that we were free to do/learn whatever we might here on Cavvy. freedom. it's an interesting idea to think that anyone can *give* you freedom. what does it mean for someone to say, "go now, you are free?" freedom rests somewhere within your mind, and you have to reach in there and grasp it internally. the statement "you are free," is meaningless until you take charge of your freedom.

posted by: barkalot at 23:30 | link | comments |

she took a risk. she took a risk and trailed one of the g-pigs back to the space port.

"i kept out of sight, powder, it was completely fine. no one noticed me."

and the reason they didn't notice her? that humming thing she does. g-pigs falling asleep left and right. surely someone noticed that!

"no, it was ok! i swear. i've fine-tuned my humming...they drifted off as i went by and woke up seconds later. i just caused a wave of exhaustion that they quickly shook off. one head bob and i was gone!"

bippity bob-itty BOO!

i scolded her a bit more, feeling my heart beat a little wildly in my chest. finally, i felt reassured. she'd not been doing crazy dangerous stuff after all. she'd been careful. so i got curious. "what'dya find, pyong?"

posted by: barkalot at 22:06 | link | comments (6) |

pyong-pyong is tentatively well! the g-pigs have let her out into the actual grasslands and she is no longer quarantined in her own little hovel. she has asked to take up her intended position, but the g-pigs have decided that she needs further monitoring before she can be given a clean bill of health...and they *worry* that the stress of having a job would tire her unduly and make her ill once again. (now that she's getting better they will use ANY excuse to keep her away from what we need to know!) so pyong has asked if she may visit the local information center and do some light reading. they have okayed that idea. i guess they don't fear what she can pick up there. either it will be of little or no use to her, or the real information is not to be found in the community centers. so much for free and open society.

posted by: barkalot at 22:20 | link | comments |

a rather disturbing thought occurs to me in the middle of the night as we are resting on our journey to grama. what instructions was the master given regarding me, myself, and i? when he agreed to take me, was i described as an offworld pilgrim of some sort? or did they say, here, take this rabbit and make sure he lives out his life - far, far away from here...

i asked the master, who laughed and reminded me that not everyone is out to get me and that i am becoming a rather paranoid little bunny.

"so. what did they say?"

"they told me the truth, powder - that you wanted to learn more about religion on cavvy, and asked if i would be willing to teach you. but it was i who suggested taking you with my group across cavvy and through the mountains to one of our other settlements. i told them that your being a part of our group would be a better religious education than giving you a bunch of documents or literature describing it...incidentally, what do YOU think?"

"well..." if i had been "educated" and not "EDUCATED" then i might have stayed in zoiza, with pyong. but, i should remember that pyong did not want me to be near her then, and did not want me to know what she was doing. so. i think i was glad enough to get out of zoiza at the time. and i can't really say that i would have made some other decision, if i'd had my druthers. i'druther get the heck out of dodge if i'm not wanted. i shook myself and some of my extra fluff floated up and was snatched up by the wind. "i think you were right. i have learned quite a bit in this way. and, after considering the alternatives, perhaps i am where i need to be. and maybe not everyone is...out to get me."

"well, not everyone, surely. still, powder, you're right to keep questioning. it's good to keep a healthy awareness that the world, the universe is full of predators...and not just those who are born to it."

posted by: barkalot at 10:57 | link | comments |

so, here it is...drin's rendition of cavvy. pyong and i made landfall at zoiza, which is where she remains. somewhere in zoiza. me and my caravan of g-pigs are headed to grama...we didn't travel in a straight line directly from zoiza, we went north and followed the curve of the land through the mountains.

communicated briefly with pyong last night. she and i are able to connect now without aid from the master or the others. she is feeling slightly better and thinks her immune system might at last be kicking in. she has also made certain dietary requests to see if a change in her food might effect a change in her health. the g-pigs are perfectly willing to comply with her wishes, so apparently some of them are concerned about her health. she said she would try to get to an information center to learn about some of the other aliens the g-pigs have encountered. take it easy, pyong, i told her. no sense in her wearing herself out if i have resources i can get to without attracting the notice of the zoizan g-pigs.

posted by: barkalot at 19:23 | link | comments (4) |

"i am travelin' again..."

the master estimates it will take us another month or so to reach the city. i realize that i have no idea where we are in the scheme of anything. i did not bother to learn anything about geography or topography of this place. drin says he will fill me in along the way. we certainly have time. and soon i will have a map. and then we all will be on the same page. hopefully.

i was talking with the master today as we walked. we were practicing the telepathy i'll be using on a more regular basis. i was angry with the g-pigs who are "taking care of" pyong pyong. creative cursing, you might say. damning them all to hell just wasn't cutting it. the master has a very...christian? outlook on things. or perhaps it's zen, too. anyway. he suggested forgiveness. "they know not what they do." i'm not sure i can stomach that. they DO know what they're doing. master said that knowing and *knowing* are different things. they are doing what they think is best, but they do not really *know* what the consequences of these actions are. they're only little beings, and as such, they have little minds. minds that can't grasp those rammifications. i petulantly argued that i was no different. can't see past the end of my own nose...and why, why must *I* be the understanding one? because, he says, i am enlightened. they are not. it is that simple. life is easier when the veil is over one's eyes. now that i see...i have to continue seeing. and that means everything. no more narrow focus for this bunny. so. i'm allowed, or i am *allowing* myself to indulge in this anger, but that's all it is - an indulgence. and it must eventually be put aside for more positive action/feelings. i can do this. eventually.

we got to talking about the afterlife...because i wondered will these g-pigs EVER know? master says that they will, and that everyone does eventually - when they die. because at that point, you all pass under the veil and come out on the otherside. your mind is free, your essence - some call it your soul. and it can see so much more from there. it can know what it did well, and what needs work...a unique perspective.

i had to ask - and is there regret?

master does not know. perhaps the essence does feel remorse, does wish things had been different. perhaps that is why some return. to work that out. it's not a god that sends us back, it is our own desire to get it right...whatever right may be. or perhaps we never tire of the game.

then...why don't we remember? i mean, having been through this before.

oh...some do remember. usually just snippets, if they remember at all. i think the impulse to return, the desire to do well or better just becomes internalized as a kind of beneficent motivation that isn't specifically tied to events or places.

i get the feeling we're treading on ground that hasn't been cleared by the religious dogmatics?

*laughter*
yes, you've got me. i doubt they'd be able to agree on the hereafter. i doubt they'd support my particular take on it. sure. i don't know. i'm ok with saying that. are you ok hearing it?

sure. i'd be less ok if you lied and said unequivocally THAT is how IT IS. i'm ok with this kind of uncertainty - messy as it may be.

but seriously, powder, let the anger go. make it work for you and do something useful with it besides railing internally against the g-pigs who done you wrong. they have no idea

ok, last thought...i mean, not ever, but for now. does that mean no one is inherently evil?

that's something *I* believe. i leave you to decide for yourself.

yeah. that's what i thought.

posted by: barkalot at 21:04 | link | comments |

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