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bunny does...
we are in a dizzying template changing whirlwind. because when there are things on your mind - things that you can't get to, things that you don't wanna do, things that you can't immediately have an effect on - well, you futz. you futz with your environment because that at least is something you can have an effect on. you can affect change in your environment. so that is what i do. i change colors, and agonize over images. i construct my perfect virtual world. i sit at a computer just after 3 a.m. when the library has closed, alone but for pyong who has taken to munching in a ruminating way on network cables.
"those are bad for you" i say.
pyong raises an eyebrow at me, but otherwise maintains her position, cable in mouth. munch munch. i think she's content. did you know rabbits grind their teeth when they're happy? yeah. calm, happy, content - they all make us grind. some people (silly people) call it "purring." i think it's a secret throwback to anxiety in the face of everything being too good to be possible. it can't possibly stay this...you know, good. there is always something waiting to bite you in the ass. the snake in the garden, in the grass...in the engineering library?
ZAP!!!!!!!
"oh for the love of..."
there goes another network cable. good thing the systems administrator has a big box of CAT5 back there, or we'd be buggin'. actually, WE wouldn't. he would. poor harried, hassled, over-worked robert. he's prematurely gray, you know. not one to age gracefully, his hair has a shocking SHOCK (hey, maybe that's why they say that!) of white in it. if it were me, i'd do a silly human thing and dye it...oh, blue. blue is good. peaceful, calm.
"pyong, that was MY network cable, you know. i was USING it."
pyong smiles. smiles and hops away.
trust pyong not to feel too personally responsible for anything. heaven forbid.
grasshopper says: bunny should worry less about permanent press status of tail. bunny should not, in fact, worry. bunny should do. do bunny do.
no one really belongs in a dead end job. what does that mean really? you wind up dead at the end of it? i got this job and the only thing it got me was dead? and how is that some way to live life? i think the thing that sucks the life out of one is aimlessness. lacking a purpose leaves you flighty and frustrated and vaguely uneasy. combine that restlessness and uncertainty with daily bread banality and it's a sure recipe for discontent, discord, disease, dissolution, dissing, disintegration...death, my friends. and i'm not ready to go there.
where do we find the courage to go on in the face of nothingness? death looming, our time limited and yet unknown...we fidget on the edge of a knife. dance on the blade, watch our young lives fritter into midlife and then old age. does it become graceful? will we laugh and finally realize that whatever it was was enough? the final joke was the one we got. and it was funny enough.
pyong and i found a new home. i'm not saying it's permanent. it's...for now. we moved into the engineering library. our person used to work here. they have comfortable bunny-sized nooks. no one will see us. not just because of comfortable bunny-sized nooks, but because of cunning bunnies snookering. and even tho i'm a philosophical bunny in an engineering library, it feels better than a philosophical bunny sitting in a yard. which, if you think about it, is very ZEN. but there is only so much sitting one can do. so today is the day i get off of my proverbial ass. my tail is getting wrinkled.
attackrabbits do not belong in dead end jobs!
they do not.
we don't have time for anything except work, meals, and sleeping. i don't know how anyone can live like this. i certainly can't.
when we were a-burrow tonight, in a small run under the roots of the catalpa tree, i whispered to pyong, "i cannot go on."
she nuzzled a bit closer and said mind-to-mind, i know.
and our unspoken agreement has led to this:
a morning where we quietly went out into the world, hopping gently down a well-worn path, but upon arriving at my placement, which was first, we shared a significant look. and instead of remaining, as i had for the past weeks unnumbered, i continued with pyong. and we passed her placement, too. and many others. no one noticed us. the rabbit traffic moved in predefined ways, and in every yard there was, indeed, a rabbit. we reached the university, where no zoning for bunnies existed. and there, on the quad we stopped to munch on the grass, which was still green despite the coming cold.
some minutes later...
"it's no orchard grass," i remarked.
"thank god for that," said pyong, closing her eyes as the sun brightened over the traditional campus buildings.
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